Monday, July 18, 2011

胡言乱语。

在两天内看完犀利人妻,看得太快,让我没办法完全入戏。很多很感动的画面,可是我只哭了一两次。这部戏啊,我只能说,它完全诠释了男人与女人的天性。一边看我一边在想,如果安真换成是我,我会怎样。我想我会疯了,一个在她心目中一直是完美的老公,决不会劈腿的老公竟然在医院在她车祸受伤后逼她签字离婚。温瑞凡,十来的婚姻,他一直是很幸福的。一件新鲜的事物,一个让他感觉到新鲜感的人,他就不顾一切的结束了十年的婚姻。一个浪就这样在几秒内摧毁了一间家。男人天生就是很残忍的动物,怎样才能找到一个会珍惜你的人,过一辈子。男人就可以说爱就爱,说不爱就不爱,说走就走,想回来的时候就回来。女人就得痴痴的等吗?在这世纪,做这样的女人是最蠢了。这出戏也让我更了解了看见了一个金钱独立的女性和一个全职家庭主妇的差别。在工作上可以分担,话题不会冷淡,大家有彼此的见解,意见。

看这部戏的时候,我一直在想我的未来会是怎样,要是怎样?我真的能找到一个可靠的男人与我走完这一辈子,不会让我伤心眼泪吗?或许世界就要末日了,想这些太无趣了。但我自觉我是一个很缺乏安全感与存在感的人。家庭破碎,受过伤害吧。以前的我,其实和戏里的微恩有点像。只记得自己对别人的付出,却忘了别人对她的爱。所以一直觉得男朋友不够爱她,什么之类的。我的初恋伤害我是铁一般的事实,可是,现在你如果问我,我对他有付出过什么吗,其实我说不出几样。我只记得自己的无理取闹,自己的冲动。不说他爱劈腿,其实他对我很好,要什么有什么,他的容忍。可是,现在我看到他,还是只有反感两个字可以形容。还是要感谢他让我学会这么去爱。现在的我还在努力学习着。

缺乏安全感,对。现在的我还是一样。每天还是会打电话问你爱我吗,想我吗,每次你都会说我神经。这么远的距离,有时我真的会胡思乱想。其实,我相信你。可是,我害怕那种感觉,就是相信了,很相信了,却被欺骗了。所以我每天每天都需要建造起那份信心,如果你现在看到这,又要说我神经了对不对?你的信心一直存在,但我的却没有,这是在我字典里所谓的缺乏安全感。所以之前你开玩笑的对我说出了一个小谎话,我会那么生气是因为我觉得我突然间失去了那份信心与相信,你不是我,你不会明白。所以,不要说我神经,试着了解一下我当时的心情。

有时朋友们聊天聊起家人,他们都会说到爸爸。他们的爸爸有几本事,像个超人,有多疼他们。可是,我什么都没有。有爸爸的陪伴一起长大,爸爸买车,如何盖房子,如何对待他们。这些记忆我一个都没有。我会流泪的问自己,为什么别人这么简单就能拥有的幸福,我却一个都没有。爸爸,是一个多么没有感情的字。只能安慰我自己,也好,少庆祝一个节日,那就是:父亲节。

我想我变了。

Bristol

为何说我变了,下一篇在告诉你。我头有点疼,要睡了。晚安。

Saturday, July 16, 2011

I hope there is nothing ever changes =)

嘿 不要不开心
我不是要离去
只是那来自远方呼唤的声音
要我 去探头看看生命窗外的风景
我去去就来 你别红眼睛
My love
原谅我太好奇
但世界太绮丽
我怎么能不一一去经历
否则我一定会恨死我自己
Nothing ever changes
请快乐等待
等我绕一圈回来
还会是那个爱你的女孩
一样很容易 感动感谢感慨
你给我的爱 我永远爱
My love
要不是你给我
那巨大的勇气
我怎么会这样相信我可以
随著 梦想留下美丽的足迹
串成了故事 带回来送你
我答应你
等我看够美景 就回来
交给你一颗更丰富的心

突然听到这首歌,很适合我和你现在的心情。

“等我绕一圈回来,还会是那个爱你的女孩。”

“等我看够美景,就回来,交给你一颗更丰富的心。”

Homesick

It’s 5am and I’m still awake, applying my eye mask to refresh my tired eyes, playing music – killing me softly with his song, ruyan those song that could make me feel relax and comfort after a tiring day.

Just back from a day trip which consist of 13 of us, 3 cars, and 2 cities – whitby and newcastle. Overall I had fun and I’m absolutely exhausted.

I was sleeping while on the way back to Liverpool, and I had a dream. The car is heading to Muar and I feel like want to eat dim sum during the midnight. I guess I had home-sick seriously. And this is the 1st time I have the feeling of home-sick. I was always wondering how my classmates who staying at Sarawak feel and always posting at Facebook that she misses home, and cried. I can imagine how she felt and her feeling.

homesick-illus_opt

Leaving your home country and study aboard are not simple as what I thought before. I never feel like want to go back home when I was studying at KL. There is only 2 hours and 150km+ to go back. But now is different, there is thousand of miles and taken 1 day to be there. At here, I live without any stresses, worries, burdens. Everyday take about 35mins to university and present physically, after that walk to Tesco, Iceland and sometimes Primark to do some shopping and oh ya, these 2weeks I’ve been in Gym room. Swimming, jogging, sauna, sit up and etc. During night, it’s either club or casino. That’s only 2 activities I could found in UK after 6pm *sweat* They just hanging around bar, lounge, club or restaurants and only drinks! It’s a little bit bored.

Today I was told that boy who study aboard will become alcoholic and girl will become shopaholic. I wouldn’t say this apply to everyone but I did see it exists within our group. Grrrr, I feel hungry and time to get to my bed. Good night everyone.

- 55 days -

Monday, July 4, 2011

BUSY XD

Lack of time to clean my room, to wash my clothes, write my blog, upload my photos, study my notes etc etc.

The reason: Summer sales?

LOL